Falling Behind (Falling Series) Read online

I watched his face. The anger faded and concern clouded his expression. His shoulders slumped, pain etched in every line of his face. He fell down on the side of my bed, pulling me into him arms. He held me and I held on to him. Our bodies shook together, my tears and snot gathered on his shirt sleeve and his on my hospital gown.

  We were interrupted by a nurse, who came in to discharge me, “I understand you all have just lost someone close. Let me get Reese unhooked and you all can get out of here to go be with the family.”

  God, Cecilia and George, please let me be strong enough to face them. I sent a silent prayer up. I knew I would cry, but I prayed that I wouldn’t collapse, again.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Reese

  Candice’s parents were nowhere around. We looked in the waiting room before asking the ICU nurse. “Can I help you?” The elderly nurse asked.

  “We’re looking for the parents of Candice Warner?” My mother asked.

  The elderly woman’s face fell, into a sad frown. “Oh, they um, they are back with the body, err, um, Candice. They asked not to be bothered at this time.”

  Titus gripped my hand tighter. Fresh tears fell down Mom’s cheeks and she swiped them away. “That’s okay, Evelyn. We understand. We’ll head home and see them at later time.”

  She offered us a small, sad smile, “I’m sorry for your loss.” She turned her gloomy gaze on me, “Take better care of yourself, little lady.”

  My throat was tight with a cry-knot. There was no way I was going to get a word out. It would probably sound like a squeak. I nodded. I knew I needed to start eating, but it really didn’t seem like I would be able to anytime soon.

  Titus wrapped his arm around my shoulders and led us out of the hospital. My best friend was dead. She died. In cold blooded. Murdered. That son-of-a-bitch killed her, ripping my heart out at the same time. I fought the tears all the way home, blinking my eyes as fast as I could to keep the warm secretions at bay. It only worked for about a mile before they won and started rolling down my cheeks, my nose, and dripping off my chin. I sat in the backseat with Titus, but really didn’t notice.

  I felt robotic as I climbed out of the car and stumbled toward our house. Titus kept his grip on me, steering me into the house. We hadn’t said one word to each other since I asked what was wrong. No one was home, Mom headed straight for the bathroom. Titus gathered me into his arms and we cried.

  “It… hurts… Ty.” I hiccupped between sobs. It felt good to let go and ugly cry. I felt bad for half a second that I was once again ruining his favorite Metallica shirt, this time with my snot and tears. Was it just a couple of months ago that it was covered in mud and we were all laughing? What happened?

  “Shhh, I know, Reese. It hurts for me, too.” He buried his head in my hair, squeezing me tighter and tighter. “I wanna kill him.” Titus whispered so low I thought I imagined the words until he pulled back putting some space between us so he could look into my eyes. “I’m going to kill him. He better pray they lock him up and fast.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that. He couldn’t kill him. Then I would lose him, too; but how could I tell him that? I had pushed him away so many times because of the douchebag that was my boyfriend. The guy I thought was my Prince Charming. But Ty was all I really wanted, all I ever wanted and I needed him, now.

  Titus searched my eyes for several seconds before pulling me back into his chest. I tried to look up at him but his hand kept it securely in place. “I’ve ruined your shirt, again.” I didn’t know why I said that. It was stupid to say and such bad timing.

  “I don’t care.” He chuckled. I missed the sound of his chuckle deep in his chest. “I care about you and what’s happened to Candice. Reese?”

  I waited, thinking he was going to say something, but I didn’t hear the question at the end of my name.

  “Reese?”

  This time he let me look up at him. His aquamarine eyes stared into mine. “Yeah?”

  “I need you to promise me you won’t go back to Josh. I can’t lose you, too.” The sadness in his eyes ate at me. I wished, more than anything, that I could take it away. Right now, for a long while, I wouldn’t be able to. We would both have that sadness etched in our souls.

  “I promise.” I didn’t even hesitate. It was an easy promise.

  “Good. I need you to promise me one more thing, okay?” Lacing his rough fingers with my petite ones he drew me over to the couch. Sitting us down, he waited for me to nod before continuing. “Like I said, I can’t lose you. At all. I need you to stay with me.” He ran his hand through his already messed up black hair. He was nervous and started rambling. “I know you, you’ll want to pull away. You can’t go back to the place you were at. You can’t hide within your own head and pull away from everyone. I need to know that you won’t do that: that you’ll take care of yourself. That you’ll let me hurt with you. That we’ll get through this, together. That’s the only way we’ll survive losing her.”

  I waited to see if there was anything else he was going to say. When he just stared at me and caressed my cheek with his thumb, or maybe he was wiping off more tears, I opened my mouth to speak and a sob broke through me.

  “Ty, I… she’s gone.” I closed my eyes and let the ripping of my heart surface and tear through me. Falling back on the couch, I curled into myself, shaking and crying. I could feel the blackness coming. I could see the dark corners of my mind seeking a safe place to hide. “I. Can’t. Do. This.” was the last thing I screamed before following the darkness to safety.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Titus

  I hated seeing Reese hurting. I hated it more that I had to watch her pull away. I knew I lost her, right then. I knew she had recessed into a dark place where she wasn’t aware of what was going on. I had watched it happen too many times over the last several weeks. Sometimes she could hear me. Sometimes she went totally dark. It wouldn’t hurt to try. “Together, Reese. Don’t leave me. Please?” I kept and arm on her, hoping she could hear me.

  “Titus, how is she?” Her mom was standing in the dining room observing us.

  “She’s withdrawn, again. I can’t reach her. I’ve lost her, Diane.” I felt like a failure. I couldn’t keep Candice safe and I can’t keep Reese lucid.

  “Titus, it’s how she handles these things. Reese has always pulled away, hidden from the pain. It’s not your fault. When her mind is ready to deal with it, she will. You, we, all of us just have to be there for her, for each other. I called your mom, she’s on her way.”

  Crap! I never called my mom. Thank God, Diane remembered. “Thank you, I forgot to call her. I’m sure she was worried and just as upset.”

  It wasn’t even five seconds later that she knocked on the door and walked on in. She ran straight toward me. Wrapping me up in a hug, she rubbed my back. “Oh Baby, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.” She looked over at Diane. “For all of you.”

  “It’s okay, Mom. I should have called.”

  Releasing me, she stepped back. “Don’t you worry about that. How are George and Cecilia?” She swiped the air in front of her as if to erase the question. “Nevermind, that is a stupid question.”

  Reese’s mom walked over and hugged her. “It’s okay, Nicole. We haven’t seen them. When we left, they were still in with Candice; but Reese needed to come home.”

  The front door flew open, Phil and the girls came barging into the house, eyes wide and with questions plastered on their faces. The girls were too young to understand. “What happened?” Phil asked.

  Mom slipped an arm around my waist. “Honey, we need to go home and give them time as a family.”

  I glanced at Reese before looking back to her. “I…”

  “Titus, we need to go.” She started pushing me toward the door.

  I slipped out of her arm and kneeled down next to the couch. Kissing Reese on the forehead, I whispered, “I have to go, but I’m always here for you. Call me when you get up.” Even lower I added, “I love you.”
I knew, in that minute, it was true. I loved Reese. Yes, as a best friend; but as more than that, too. She was my life. It was safe to tell her now, she wouldn’t hear me. I said it more for me, anyway. I needed to tell her.

  “I’ll have her call you as soon as she comes around. You’re more than welcome to come back later, tonight.” Diane looked over at my mom, “You’re both more than welcome to come spend the evening with us. Reese will need Titus when she wakes up.”

  “Thank you.” I stood and follow Mom out the door.

  She had just pulled the car away from the curb when she shifted her scrutiny my way. “You love her.”

  Rolling my eyes, I found a spot on the roof to stare at. “Of course, I do. We’ve been best friends since elementary school. I love Candice, too.”

  “No, I know you loved the girls like best friends; but you. Are. In. Love. With. Reese.”

  “Shh. Now is not the time to tell anyone.” I glared at her as her smile lit up her whole face.

  “I knew you liked her and wanted to date her, yadda, yadda. But I did not know you were already in love with her.” I was observing her and I saw the moment that she realized that this was not the right time to be happy about my being in love.

  “Mom, we just lost the person that brought us together. Now is not the time.”

  “I know. I know. I’m sorry.” Her face fell even further, if that was even possible. “How are you handling everything?”

  “Honestly?” I asked. She nodded, so I continued. “I want to kill him. Slowly.”

  “TITUS!”

  “Mom, he killed my best friend!” She pulled into the driveway a little too fast and I threw open my door before we were even stopped. Mom didn’t say anything else. She unlocked the door and led the way inside. All the concerns that had plagued my mind since I heard the news came spilling out of me. “Mom, what if they don’t arrest him? What if he gets away with it because she never confessed it was him? How can I live with myself if I let him get away with it? I don’t think, no, I know I can’t do that. I can’t let him get away with it. He deserves to rot in hell for the hell he put her through.”

  “I know you’re concerned. I know you’re scared. But Titus, Hun, you have to let the police take care of it. They took evidence off her body when the attack first happened. Let the judicial system work.”

  I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry. This? Coming from the woman that the judicial system had failed—several times? The only reason she is still alive is because the sperm donor, also known as my biological father, skipped the country when he heard the police were looking for him. “How can you believe that?” I shouted.

  She shook her head. Maybe there was stuff I didn’t know. “You have to believe in it, Titus. You have to trust they will do right by Candice.”

  I couldn’t agree with her. I couldn’t disagree with her. Either; she was my mom. I nodded and headed off to my room, pulling my phone out as I went.

  It was early in the morning. We had been up all night at the hospital. Well, except the few minutes I dozed off next to Reese. I closed my blinds and untied the black curtains that mom insisted stay tied back. I needed it dark. I needed sleep. My body ached, along with my heart. I had sent a text to Reese, just letting her know I was going to take a nap and I’d be back over, later. Hopefully, she’ll get the rest she needs and will come out of the dark place she shrouded herself in.

  Closing my eyes, I fought the images. Candice laughing and dancing along with Reese. Candice bruised and battered. Reese being raped. Alex laughing. Josh telling me to get lost. I opened my eyes. Counting to ten, I decided to try an exercise I hadn’t used since I was ten, back when the nightmares of my mom being abused started to resurface.

  I started thinking of the future. How Reese and I could finally be together. I forced myself to make a vivid mental picture what would happen on our first date. Since Reese and I had gone many places together, I found it easy to picture us at the movies and the park. I picked prom, this time. I knew I could picture what she would look like, smell like. How she would dance with me. I imagined my arms encircling her waist, her arms draped over my shoulders and clutching my neck. Before I could lean in for our first real kiss, I was sound asleep.

  “Titus? Wake up, Hun.” Mom was softly knocking on my door.

  “I’m up.” Now!

  “Dinner’s ready. I thought we could head over to Reese’s and take some dinner over there and maybe to George and Cecilia?” Mom’s eyes were bloodshot and her nose red.

  Had she slept at all? “Okay. But do you think it’s a good idea to bother George and Cecilia, right now?”

  “Honey, they need family and friends. We can just check on them and then leave.”

  “Okay, let me just shower, first.”

  Seeing George and Cecilia was the hardest part of the day. They were like empty shells, thanking everyone for coming and for the food. I never understood why people brought food over when someone passed away, but they did. And George and Cecilia’s kitchen was full of casseroles and different meals—enough to last for weeks.

  Mom was in the kitchen with Diane, putting everything into containers for freezing and returning the dishes to the proper owners before they left. Reese was cuddled up with Cecilia on the couch in Candice’s comforter. I wasn’t sure I could handle touching anything that was hers, right now. Or ever.

  Reese considered me for a moment before standing and dragging me out the side door. “I need to get out of here for a little while. Can we go for a walk?”

  “Sure, where do you wanna go?” I glanced toward the canal that leads to Black Bridge. I needed to go somewhere where I could feel closer to Candice and I think Reese did, too.

  Reese stared at the driveway. Without glancing up she asked, “Black Bridge?”

  I nodded; weaving my fingers with hers we set off toward the last place Candice was alive.

  Chapter Twenty

  Reese

  I worked on controlling my breathing as we climbed down the levy toward the riverbed, underneath the railroad tracks. Inhale and slowly blow it out, ten times. I pictured Candice smiling and loving life. Not the shell of an abused girl she had become. We reached the bottom of the canal bank to find the area across the river taped off with caution tape and several officers searching the area.

  “Sorry, kids, you can’t be down here right now. We’re holding an investigation. This place will be under security for a while.” One of the officers called over to us.

  “It’s okay. I’m glad to see your investigating her death.” Titus sneered.

  Another officer came toward us. “You know the deceased?”

  I couldn’t talk. The knot was forming in my chest and I was focused on my breathing. We were told we would be questioned soon by the sheriff’s department, but I wasn’t prepared to do this now.

  “Yes, Titus Allyn and Reese Milson.” We were friends with Candice.”

  The officer looked us over before coming closer. “I’m really sorry about your friend. I understand why you’re here.” There’s no way, he had no clue why we were here. We didn’t tell him anything and he doesn’t know us from Adam. Or Alex. “But, we can’t have you guys down here, right now. I’ll give you a few minutes to say your goodbyes or whatever. I know the last place she was, but then I have to ask you guys to go.” Huh, maybe the guy understood more than I thought.

  I nodded. “It’s okay, Ty, let’s just go. It’s kind of creeping me out. I didn’t think—“

  “Reese, we’ll just take a minute. You’ll be okay and then we’ll head out, alright?”

  I covered my face and took in several deep breaths, starting my counting over from one. I need a whole new set to calm me down. I could picture her lying over there, broken. I felt Titus’ hand rub soothing circles on my upper back.

  “Thank you for understanding; and again, sorry for all that you’ve lost.”

  “Just get enough to catch him.” Titus bit out angrily. I pulled my hands away from my face and latche
d on to a piece of hair, spinning it between my fingers. I noticed the officer give a curt nod before marching back over to the crime scene.

  The next few days flew by. I visited George and Cecilia as much as Mom would allow. Titus was with me every day, making sure I ate every couple hours, even if it was only fruit. Fruit was the only thing I could stomach, at the moment. My heart ached, my eyes stayed swollen and wet. I’d never felt the pain of losing someone. I had all my grandparents. Every aunt and uncle and even my great-parents on my mom’s side were alive. I never knew the stages of grief. Depression, or my teenage version of it, sure; I knew those stages. But it seemed like grief was a huge stepping stone of stages that led right into the sister stages of depression.

  Numb, the first stage of grief. I’d been numb since the day we found out Candice was gone. I wanted to feel at peace, that she was no longer hurting. I wanted to feel angry, sad, anything other than numb. I just couldn’t pull any feeling to the surface.

  Mom had spoken to the school and excused us for the week. She arranged for our homework to be collected and for us to have the time to grieve before working on it. Of course, the school was more than understanding and more than willing to work with us.

  The funeral was planned for the upcoming Monday. Being fifteen and burying your best friend is not something you can prepare for. Candice would have laughed at me and told me to suck it up and quite crying, had she been there, sitting next to me. Then, again, if she were there we wouldn’t be doing this. She always said I was a cry baby. I would like to see her try and not cry at my funeral I knew I cried more than most girls. I was trying to control it but these last few weeks had been hell!

  I wrung my hands in my lap, sitting in the second row of the little Baptist church in our little town. I thought about the time we were forced to wear black to her grandmother’s funeral. Our mom’s telling us it was out of respect and when we were older we could wear what we wanted to funerals. That day, Candice and I promised each other whoever died first the other would wear anything but black to the funeral. Here I sat wearing my cheer uniform. It was our favorite thing to do. We were going to be co-captains, next year. We had so many plans for our future, together. We wanted to attend Cal Poly University, on the coast. We were going to find amazingly hot twin brothers, marry them, and have lots of twin babies. We planned on moving back to Laton, once we were married, and buying homes next door to each other with white picket fences. Our lives were going to be perfect, together. Tears threatened my eyes as I glanced to my family, on either side of me.