Falling Behind (Falling Series) Page 15

  I guess he felt the same way about Titus and Candice, too.

  I shifted my eyes back to Mr. Wait. He was still leaning on the edge of his desk, waiting for an answer. I glanced to his desk and noticed the packets. Multiple choice questions sat on top. “Are those the packets?” I asked, tipping my head toward them.

  “Yes, are you ready for them now?” Wait stood up, grabbing his desk. “You have two weeks to finish these and turn them in.” He handed each of us a packet. “Remember, you are welcome to come in any day before school, after school or during lunch to talk with me. You can come together or separately, just try to let me know in advance.”

  I looked down at my packet, then at Titus, and finally made eye contact with Mr. Wait. “Can I meet with you tomorrow?”

  “Of course. Titus, would you like to join us?” He had a slight smile on his lips and I remembered he had wanted to talk with me, even before Candice’s death.

  “No, thank you, sir, not this time. I think Reese needs to speak with you, alone.” He reached over and took my hand. “She’s been through a lot lately and needs to talk to someone, besides me.”

  Wait smiled, flashing dimples that would melt a woman’s heart. They’d already affected most of the girls in the sophomore class, including me. We all wished we were old enough. “That will be fine. Will you please join us the next time?”

  Titus nodded and Mr. Wait and I agreed we would meet before school. The rest of the day went by quickly. I only had to escape to the bathroom during two of my afternoon classes, unable to stop the tears and shut out the rumors.

  “He kicked the shit out of her.” A brunette girl said during chemistry class.

  “No, she overdosed on drugs and fell off Black Bridge,” Jonathan Springer, a junior football player said.

  None of these kids knew the truth. They all heard pieces of the story and no one told them the truth about what Alex did. I needed to talk to Mr. Wait and Candice’s parents before I did anything, but something needed to be done.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Titus

  Because of everything that had happened this year, I took baseball season off. I usually played all three sports, but I wasn’t ready to invest all my time at the gym and the diamond, right now. I had a spot on the varsity team, but I was willing to lose it for Reese. She would need me the rest of the school year. Hell let’s be honest! I need her.

  I felt better, more in control, when she was near me. She made me feel grounded. Since the day she was raped, and then when Candice died, my whole sense of self had shifted. I was no longer who I use to be. All I cared about prior to those events was getting together with Reese and making football captain, next year. Now, everything changed. I still wanted those other things, but I knew there were more important things in life.

  Needing to make sure my mom and Reese pulled through the rest of this school year, was number one. I say my mom because on the day of the funeral and several times since then, I’d come home to find her in a dark corner, crying and shaking.

  The evening of the memorial service, after spending hours holding Reese and remembering Candice, I came home and Mom was in her chair, rocking back and forth.

  Yesterday, when I walked in, she bolted upright, scrubbing the tears away and smoothing down her hair, at the same time. She was a mess. I never thought I would be the one who needed to come home and check on her. The loss of C was going to be hard on everyone, but I didn’t think Mom would take it this hard.

  “Mom, everything okay?” I pushed the front door closed, locking it.

  She jumped up. “Yeah.” She sniffed. “Yes. Just thinking about you kids growing up.” She walked toward me, grabbing me in a hug. “You three were always so inseparable; until this year, when the girls got boyfriends.”

  “Yeah, we were. I think that’s what makes this so hard. If we wouldn’t have been spending time apart or if they didn’t hook-up with losers like Alex and Josh”—

  “Titus Allyn, you cannot ‘what if’ this situation. You will drive yourself crazy.” Mom released her hold on my shoulders, but took my hand, pulling me on to the couch with her. “We have to accept what happened.” I started to say something, but she held up her other hand, stopping me. “We have to accept it, but we don’t have to forget it or even be okay with it. Yet.” She let go of me completely and something shifted in the air as she pulled the rubber-band off her wrist, twisting her raven locks up in what looked like a knot on top of her head. A sad smile graced her face as she turned toward me. “We move forward, Son, one day at a time. Life is full of unexpected sorrows and happiness. We accept them for what they are and move on. But we never forget. Never.”

  We sat in silence, both lost in our own thoughts. I wondered if she was thinking and speaking about Candice. I had feeling those words were more about my father. I didn’t know why.

  “Mom, is there something else going on? You seem to be talking about something else.”

  “Don’t worry, honey. It’s been a long and emotional few weeks. I am fine.”

  I saw something flash in her eyes, but I wasn’t sure what it was. Looking at her, I saw myself—only in a feminine version. I wondered what, if anything, I got from the sperm donor she called my dad. It didn’t really matter. I would never see him, again. But still I wondered. I always had.

  “Okay.” I kept assessing her.

  “Is there something you need to talk about, Son?” Her eyebrows scrunched with concern.

  I was chewing on my thumb. They were both so raw and sore it didn’t matter which one I gnawed on. They both hurt, but I couldn’t stop myself. My other hand fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. “Yeah, I don’t know”—

  “Take your hand out of your mouth, so I can understand you.”

  I dropped my hand, wiping the moisture on my jeans. “I don’t know how I am supposed to feel. In my mind, I think I should be sad, heartbroken all the time. But, a few times today, with Reese, I felt happy and then I would feel guilty for feeling happy. I’m just so confused. I don’t think it’s okay to feel normal, yet. Right? Shouldn’t I still be sad? Isn’t it disrespecting Candice for me to be happy or at least slightly normal?”

  Moisture coated her eyes as she gripped my hands. Her tiny ones barely covering mine. “Ty, honey, you will feel a lot of things in these coming months. To be honest, over the next few years your emotions will be all over the place. It is okay to feel normal and happy. Candice, and her parents, would want you to feel both. Just because you feel like you’re living your life and forgetting her by being happy, doesn’t mean that you are.” She placed one tiny hand over my heart. “In here, you will always remember her. You will always grieve for your friend. The time you lost with her. But, you have to go on living. You have to find happiness.”

  Mom paused, letting it sink in before she started speaking, again. “When your dad left us, it was as if my whole world came crashing down. It was as if he died. I was heartbroken, grief stricken. For weeks, I didn’t eat; I didn’t take care of myself much less take care of you.” The moisture in her eyes was now cresting and rolling down her cheeks. “Your grandmother stepped in. She lived with us, taking care of you and me. I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to provide for you, that I wouldn’t be enough. The thoughts that plagued me sent me spiraling down into a black hole that I couldn’t get out of. I would feel relief that he was no longer hurting us, emotionally, but then the sadness that I failed you would come out. I never felt normal or happy.

  “One day I decided enough was enough. Well, actually my mother decided it was enough. She came in to my dark room and berated me for leaving you, just as your father had. I hadn’t seen it that way, at the time; but as soon as I did, the anger came. Being angry wasn’t really any better than being sad, but it gave me a reason to live, again. I searched for your father, wanting him to pay for what he did to us. For months, I searched for him, wasting all that time I could and should have been spending with you. And, I found him.” She paused and I took th
e chance to speak.

  “I didn’t know you looked for him. Or that you found him.”

  “I didn’t tell anyone. I never had told anyone, until now. He moved to New York. He had a new family and that was when I chose you and happiness and, inadvertently, living. Would I change any of it? I don’t think I would. No, I know I wouldn’t. I regret putting you through all of it. But I am grateful for the life we live now; and I don’t know that we would be here, where we are, without all of the turmoil we went through. I am sorry I never brought him back for you. I am sorry you don’t know him. I hope I was enough.”

  I wrapped my arms around her little frame, squeezing her. “I’m not sorry, Mom. You were enough. I don’t remember Grandma living with us. I don’t remember you hurting so much.”

  She laughed. “You were so small, Titus. I prayed you wouldn’t remember. I am thankful you don’t. My point is you have to keep living. All the emotions you feel, all the confusion that consumes you, is normal. You will be fine.”

  I let go of her and sat back. “Thanks, Mom.”

  She nodded her head and patted my knee. “I know it’s late, but are you hungry?”

  “Nah, just really tired. Reese and I are going back to school, tomorrow.” I told her, standing up and leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. “Night, Mom.”

  “Night, honey.”

  I lay in my bed with music playing. My dad was in New York. I didn’t know how I felt about that. He had another family. I didn’t know how to feel about that, either. I hoped he had stopped drinking and was a better father for this new family. Finally, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Reese

  Sitting in the bathroom stall, inside the locker room, I had less chance of interruptions; since all gym classes were done for the day. It was in here that I wrote out what I wanted to say to the entire school in an assembly.

  First, I made a list of what to talk about with Mr. Wait. Then I made a bullet list for Candice’s parents; and finally, I created a detailed bullet list of topics to discuss in a possible “Stand Up to Violence” Assembly. The more I wrote, the sadder I got about doing this without Candice. You’re doing this for Candice, I kept reminded myself.

  After practice, I went home and worked on my packet along with my list of questions for Mr. Wait. The packet contained ten pages– one for each period, plus an extra English paper and two extra Spanish papers. I started on the Algebra 2 worksheet: Function Operations. I let my mind run over the problems, trying to find answers to questions like, (g + h)(1) and (f – g)(4). There were fourteen problems on the worksheet. I figured it would keep my brain busy for a while.

  Two hours later, I doubled checked my answers and was pleased with the outcome. It felt good to be doing homework, again. I am not a straight ‘A’ student, but I got good grades and did my best, at all times. Well, until I started dating Josh. I spent so much of my time during first semester with him, I neglected my homework. I even ditched a few classes to sneak off with him. It probably wasn’t enough to harm my reputation with my teachers and my overall GPA. But then the whole Orchard incident reared its ugly head, I hoped they didn’t judge me off the ridiculously close rumors.

  I checked out the AP Civics worksheet, it was all multiple choice questions. Easy. I grabbed my Civics book, silently thanking Mr. Wait. After finishing three worksheets and talking to Titus for thirty minutes, I had dinner with my family. Mom had made my favorite—enchiladas, rice and beans. I put a half of an enchilada and a small scoop of both rice and beans on my plate and used my fork to push the food around, taking one or two bites when Mom or Dad looked at me.

  “How was school today, Reese?” Dad asked.

  “It was okay. There were a bunch of rumors going around about Candice. And it got me thinking; well, I don’t think anyone has addressed the school about what happen to her. I was wondering if you and Mom thought it would be okay if I talked to my Civics teacher and Vice Principal about holding an assembly?”

  Mom set her fork down and glanced at my dad before looking at me. Her face was weighed down with concern. “Honey, I don’t think the Warner’s want Candice’s addictions and abuse broadcast to the whole school. Did you think about them?”

  “Yes, Mom, I did.” I dropped my own fork and started twirling a strand of hair with my fingers. Why would she think that I didn’t think about them? I continued with a little venom in my voice, “I did think about them. But, I was truly thinking of Candice and the things I heard people saying. I think it would be better if they knew the truth; and then maybe her death could save someone else.”

  “Reese, you don’t”─

  My dad started, but Mom cut him off, −“It’s ok, Dear. Reese, honey, calm down and tell us what you heard and what you are thinking.”

  “One kid said she was so high she fell off Black Bridge and another said she was kicked to near death. Someone else said she had been drunk and hit by a train, hiding in the alcoves on the train bridge. They don’t know and I think, for the memory of Candice, they need to. I was planning on talking to Mr. Wait about it tomorrow, when I meet with him, and then asking the Warner’s permission. If Candice’s abuse and drug use can save one other person, then that one person and their family will forever be grateful.

  “I thought you could go with me to talk to Candice’s parents tomorrow, after practice. I know Candice; and I know if he wouldn’t have forced her, she would never have done drugs. And, she would have never stayed with him, if she wasn’t afraid. She thought she was alone.” In my passion, I started to stand up, but my dad flicked his wrist at me to sit back down.

  “You may be right. Let’s take this one step at a time. Tomorrow, talk with Mr. Wait when you have your meeting with him. If he agrees, then we will go see her parents and then go from there.” Mom looked to Dad for agreement. His head barely moved, but he nodded in agreement.

  “May I be excused, I ‘m finished.”

  “Yes, Honey.”

  I stood up, taking my plate to the kitchen and scraped all of my food into the trash. On my way to bed, I stopped and kissed Mom and Dad goodnight. My sisters both sat very quietly through dinner, which is very unusual for them. “Goodnight, girls, sorry to ruin your dinner.” I offered them a small smile and slipped into my room.

  Me: GNight, Ty

  Titus: Sweet Dreams C U 2morrow

  I threw on an oversized nightgown and climbed into my bed, ready for this day to end and the next one to begin. It was the only way I could make it right now; one day at a time. Tomorrow was the first day in months that I was actually looking forward to going to school, until my phone beeped.

  The nerves that gathered in my stomach at the sound of the beep on my phone had me gagging in reaction. I knew it wasn’t Titus. I would never get another text from Candice. That only left one other person and he was the last person I wanted to hear from.

  Josh: We need 2 talk. B there 2 pick u up

  I didn’t want to talk to him. He was the last person, well, besides Alex, that I wanted to talk to. Who was he to think after everything he did that I would talk to him? My mind was furiously racing a mile a minute. How dare he? Then my phone beeped, again.

  Josh: Never mind coming by 2nite

  At that same moment, I heard his truck coming around the corner. This was going to be interesting. Dad was home. He didn’t know what happened between us, but he knew something went down.

  I lay in bed listening. Our house wasn’t huge, and my room is first in the hall. The truck door shut and it was quite for a few seconds. Even though I knew it was coming, I jumped when Josh knocked on the door. “Who could that be? It’s nearly eight thirty,” Mom asked as he knocked three more times.

  “Whoever it is, they’re inpatient,” Dad remarked as he hollered. “We’re coming.” I heard the chair scoot across the tile and his heavy footsteps head toward the door. The door creaked open. “Josh, it’s too late for visitors and I’ve already asked you not to ever com
e by, anymore.”

  Josh turned on his charm. “I’m sorry, Mr. Milson. I’ve been trying to check on Reese. I wasn’t able to talk to her at Candice’s funeral to see how she was doing. Do you think I could say hi?”

  I heard my dad clear his throat. “Not tonight. She is barely hanging on, right now. She went to bed early. I think it’s best if you just leave Reese alone.”

  “Okay. Again, I’m sorry. Can you tell her I came by?”

  “Look Josh, I don’t know what happen between the two of you and it’s none of my business. But, my daughter does not want to see you. And that is my business. Please don’t make me call the cops, just stay away from Reese.” I could hear the finality in his voice.

  “Yes, Sir. The cops won’t be necessary.”

  I continued to listen as the door shut and Dad slid the lock into place. Immediately, the heavy footsteps came down the hall toward my room. Dad stood in my doorway. I could pretend I was asleep or thank him.

  “Thank you for getting rid of him, Dad.”

  Dad flipped my bedroom light on, temporarily blinding me. “Reese, I’m not sure what happened between you, and I don’t know that I want the details. However, if I need to call the sheriff and file a restraining order, I will. Please keep me informed if he continues to stalk you.”

  He stood in the doorway, looking down at me with concern in his eyes. If he only knew, everything he had done. “Tonight is the first attempt he’s made at contacting me. If he continues, I will tell you.”

  His forehead creased in concern and confusion. “Tell me before it gets out of hand, please.”

  “Sure, Dad. Goodnight.”

  I left for school early again, eager to meet with Mr. Wait. I sat in the library looking up articles about abuse and I even Googled “date rape”. What I read left me feeling uncertain about what I should do. The article clearly said that when a person in a relationship with another person is forced or pressured to have sexual relations, it is considered date rape. If a person has already agreed to sexual relations with the person they are in a relationship with, and then changes one’s mind, it is date rape.