Falling Behind (Falling Series) Read online

  “Nah, whatever you want.” Josh was sprawled out on his bed, arms bent behind his head and looking perfectly at ease, except the strong emotions in his eyes. I wasn’t exactly sure what the look was, but if I had to guess, I would say desire.

  I turned away from his intense stare and quickly shifted the DVD’s back and forth, searching for something interesting to watch. I finally chose “The Hangover”. It was perfect—funny and not a romance. I stood and flashed it at Josh before looking for the DVD player.

  “That works. The player’s right there in the cabinet.”

  After putting it in, I stood and glanced around thinking about sinking into the beanbag on the floor. But Josh cleared his throat and patted the spot next to him. I kicked off my ballet flats and crawled up on his bed. It was soft. I don’t know why, but I expected it to be hard. As Josh fumbled with the remote, I moved the pillows and sat up crossed legged against the headboard.

  He looked over at me with one eyebrow raised, “Come here.”

  I stretched my legs back out, scooting closer to him, the previews for new movies played for a moment before he hit the menu button, starting the movie. He turned away to put the remote down on his nightstand. And when he turned back, he slipped his arm around my shoulders. He softly ran his strong hands up and down my arm, sending shivers through out my body.

  Josh chuckled. “I’ve been waiting for this for a while.” He smiled down at me. I looked up into his light green eyes. His pupils were huge, almost masking his irises. “We never get any alone time.” He bent his head forward, resting his forehead on mine.

  Cupping his face with my hand, I ran my thumb along his jaw line. The nerves in my stomach squirmed and it felt as if a thousand monarch butterflies were trying to break free. “I know. There’s always someone around. Your friends or mine, parents, sisters someone is always with us. I’m glad we’re finally getting this time together.” I reached up and pressed my lips against his.

  He sighed when I pulled back, running his fingers through my hair; grasping the back of my head and pulling me back in. I searched his eyes. They were full of want and heat, his eyes asking for more. I knew I wasn’t ready for the real thing. Maybe we could keep things simple. I leaned in, kissing him, again. This time, allowing him access into my mouth. When he moaned and kissed me deeper, my thoughts going haywire.

  I’m not ready for more than this. No, please don’t let him ask for more.

  Josh rolled over on top of me, movie forgotten, and began pushing himself on me, harder. I pulled back so I could talk. “Josh, please your squeezing my arm.” I looked down to where his fingers were squeezing so hard they had white around them. I was sure I would have a bruise.

  He quickly let go. “I’m sorry, Reese. I, uh, we don’t…”

  “I understand. It’s okay.” I lifted my head back up to meet his lips, swiftly brushing my lips against his.

  He gripped my hands. “I don’t think you do.” He lifted them above my head and whispered in to my ear, sending shivers down my spine. “I want you so bad.”

  “I’m not ready. Josh, I told you I’ve never done it before. I, uh, I can’t.”

  He growled as he pushed off me and headed toward the bathroom, “Then I guess I need a minute. I’ll be right back.” He stomped off toward the bathroom across the hall. I heard the door slam, grabbed his pillow and began crying. I knew this day would come. I knew dating a senior was going to be hard and I explained to him, up-front, that I wanted to wait until I was married. That was sort-of a lie and not necessarily what I was waiting for. But I wasn’t comfortable giving him that piece of me. Anytime we were alone, he always seemed to push the issue. I sat up and dried my eyes; sliding off his bed, I went to the bathroom door and knocked, softly. I didn’t want him upset with me. I may not be ready to give him my v-card, but I couldn’t lose him, either. I had to make it up to him.

  “Josh, let me in. Please.” I rested my head against the door.

  “Give me a second. I’ll be in my room in a minute.” His voice was tight and his speech fast.

  I heard the water running in the sink before spinning around and heading back to his bed. I could fix this. It would be easy. There are other things we could do, without going all the way. I checked my phone it was only nine-thirty I had plenty of time. On his bed, I pulled my shirt down to cover all exposed skin and held up my head with my right hand. Josh walked in, his head down. He looked up at me and smiled a soft smile. His pupils so large there was a thin, lime green halo around them. I briefly wondered why they were so big.

  He swiped his nose walking toward the bed. “I’m sorry I got so rough. I”—

  “Come here, I know you didn’t mean it. I don’t want to go all the way, but I’m sure we can find something else to do, right?”

  His eyes lit up and his lips stretched into a wide, crooked grin. He squatted down in front of me, sliding his hand up my legs. Looking me in the eyes, he said the three words I was not ready for. “I love you, Reese.”

  NO! No, you don’t! You can’t. Can you? I can’t. We haven’t been together very long.

  “I, um,” I don’t want to lose him or hurt his feelings again. Just go with it Reese. “I love you, too.” I sighed out of defeat.

  He kissed me, softly and gently as the butterflies increased, tenfold. I didn’t know how far I would let him go. When he deepened the kiss all coherent thoughts left my mind, I could do this. I was his girlfriend. I just told him I loved him. He knew I didn’t want to go all the way. I trusted him.

  Josh took it slow and caressed my body. Playing with my nipples and trailing his hand down my underwear. Touching what no one had ever touched before. I cringed. He must have noticed because his sweet, raspy voice whispered in my ear. “You said we could do other stuff. I just want to make you feel good.”

  He forced a finger in. I was so dry it hurt, moisture flooded my eyes. I turned my head. “You feel so good, Baby. Can’t I just put it in a little?”

  I bit my cheek to keep myself from sobbing. When I didn’t answer he continued. “If you love me, Reese, you’ll let me be your first. I won’t hurt you, I promise.” I felt the pressure of his hips pushing into me as the weight of his body pressed against me. Tears rolled down my face. This was it. He was taking what was mine to give. He was right. I said I loved him. I am his girlfriend. I owe him this.

  “Ah, you’re so tight. I love the way you feel.”

  I hate the way you feel inside me. It hurts so badly. When will it be over? I stayed silent and still, with alligator tears gathering in my ear. I needed this to end. I wanted to go home. Josh grunted a few times and thankfully it was over.

  “I’m sorry, Baby. You just felt so good, I couldn’t keep going.” He turned my face toward him. “Are you hurt?”

  I nodded. The lump in my throat keeping me from talking. He pulled out and the condom was covered in blood. I don’t remember him putting one on, thank God he did. I wasn’t on my period so he had ripped me. I looked away.

  “Shit, Reese, there’s fucking blood everywhere. What the hell?”

  After standing and putting my underwear back on, I gathered his duvet and went to rinse it out before putting it in the washing machine. I choked back the tears and cleared my throat. “There, all taken care of. Can you take me home now?”

  He wrapped me in a hug, “I’m sorry I hurt you. I should have been gentler. Next time will be better, Baby. Better for you.”

  “Yeah, next time. I really am ready to go home, now.” I walked toward his front door and I could hear him mumbling to himself. I really didn’t care what he said. I wanted to be home.

  I cried in the shower and then continued to cry myself to sleep that night. He took the only thing that was mine to give. He took my virginity.

  “Reese!” Candice yelled from up ahead of me. I swiped away the single tear that slowly escaped down my cheek.

  “What?” I picked up my pace and bounced up to my friend.

  “Where were you? I’ve been
calling your name, forever!” Candice glared at me.

  Glancing at my surroundings I realized I made her walk more than half way. I must of really zoned out and slowed way down. “Sorry, I was thinking.”

  “Everything okay?” She threw her arm around my shoulders. Candice was a few inches taller than me. She had lean, long dancer legs, a tiny waist and huge boobs, which she found annoying and said got in her way. I envied her. I had no shape to me. I was barely five foot two and the only thing I had going for me was a butt and blue eyes.

  “Yeah, just thinking about Josh.”

  “Wanna talk about it?”

  “Nope.”

  “Okay, then, we can talk about my problems.” I laughed. True Candice. If there was nothing major to discuss, she was going to talk about herself and what she thought were issues.

  “Jonathan asked me out, again.” She paused, letting that one sink in. Candice had been dating Alex for over four months. I’m pretty sure this was a record. She’d been with Alex for longer than she’d been with all her other boyfriends, combined I didn’t understand it, she liked dating. A lot. But not just one guy—especially for this long.

  “So, why haven’t you gone out with him, then?” I looked over at her as we headed up her driveway. Candice stayed unusually quiet.

  “Why haven’t you broken up with Alex, yet?” I opened the front door and headed into the kitchen. Mrs. Warner, who always wanted me to call her Cecilia, was in there loading the dishwasher.

  “Hi Reese, Honey, are you hungry?” She gave me a quick hug and stepped over to the refrigerator. “I put dinner away, but I can pull it out. I’m sure it’s still warm.”

  “Thank you, Cecilia, but I’m fine.” She looked me over. “I promise, I ate with my parents before I came over.”

  “Alright. Well, if you get hungry or thirsty, you know where everything is.”

  I smiled at the woman I considered my second Mom. “Thank you.”

  Candice grabbed a couple sodas and led me back to her bedroom. I threw my bag on the floor and hung up the garment bag with my uniform in it. Flopping down on my back on Candice’s bed I watched her sit down cross legged.

  Candice sighed. “I started my sophomore year with a boyfriend and now I can’t drop that reputation of being taken.”

  “Candice, you are still taken.” I fought the urge to look at her pointedly and dramatically roll my eyes.

  “I know, I just wish I could take some of those juniors and seniors up on their offers. Like Jonathan. Again, today, he caught up to me and asked if I was single yet, and ready to go out with him. You don’t know how bad I wanted to say yes.”

  “Then why don’t you? C, I don’t get it. You’ve never gone out with someone this long. If you loved him I could understand it. But you don’t.”

  “It’s not that simple,” Candice said.

  I’d seen the fading bruises on her wrist. I’d noticed the way she flinched when he’d reach for her. It worried me. “Candice, does he hurt you?” I asked staring at her wrists.

  She shook her head. “It’s okay. Really, it’s no big deal.” She jumped up, grabbing the now empty soda cans. “You done with this?”

  “Yeah.”

  When she walked back into her room, she was still quiet. Nothing else was said about Alex.

  She crawled into bed and I wrapped my arms around her. “I’m here, you know. You can always tell me the truth.”

  “Please, Reese, just drop it.” She bit out. Something was going on.

  The next morning I got up early and beat Candice to the shower. Before I could start dwelling on Josh, I thought about Candice and Alex. I heard he used. I didn’t want to believe my friend would date a drug user. She was smarter than that. She had to have known. It was all anyone talked about. Who was using what and who was doing whom. I was glad my relationship never hit the gossip lines. Not yet anyway.

  “Hurry up in there! I have a big game to get ready for.”

  I laughed. “We’re not playing in the big game, Candice.”

  She giggled. “No, you’re right, but we do have to look good cheering on our boys.”

  I finished shaving my legs and underarms. Turning off the water, I noticed a towel fly over the shower curtain. I quickly grabbed it before it got wet. “Thanks, C.”

  I toweled off and slipped in to my uniform as Candice got into the shower. When I walked back into the bathroom, the mirror was steamed over. Shaking my head I held the blow dryer close to the mirror to clear a section. It didn’t stay clear very long.

  “You almost done? I can’t see the mirror.”

  “Yeah.”

  I started drying my hair. When Candice stepped out of the shower I caught her reflection in the foggy mirror. I spun around. “Candice.”

  “Please don’t, Reese.” She pulled her towel tighter.

  “I already see the bruises on your wrist, but this is major.” I swallowed back the knot in my throat.

  “And when you asked about my wrists, what did I tell you?” She spun around glaring at me. Before I could say anything she continued. “It’s none of your damn business. I’m handling it.”

  I lifted my eyebrows, “Yeah, looks like your handling it. You need to break-up with Alex.” After mentioning the bruises I noticed on her wrists a month ago, I hadn’t seen any others until last night. I thought she handled it. Now, I know she hadn’t.

  “I’m going to get dressed in my room.” She walked out clutching the towel to her chest.

  I stared in the mirror wondering when our friendship had become so strained. Titus, Candice and I use to be so close; before Candice and I got boyfriends and Titus became so busy with football. My phone beeped, signaling a message. It was from my boyfriend.

  Josh: Be there to pick you up in fifteen

  Me: Make it twenty

  I was nowhere near ready. I put gel in my hair and flipped my head over to finish blowing it dry. I pulled it up in a high pony for game day. As I started to put on my make-up Candice came back in dressed in her uniform with a warm-up jacket.

  Smiling, she grabbed her make-up bag out of my hand. I usually only wore mascara, unless it was game day and Candice insisted on doing more. “Sit down.” she pointed to the toilet. “We both know you won’t put enough on.”

  I sat waiting to see if she would say anything or continue to act like nothing happened. Closing my eyes, I let her put on my game-day face. A few minutes later, after swiping a soft brush of color across my eyelids, she finally spoke.

  “Look, I know you’re worried about me. These bruises on my back were an accident. The other night when I mentioned breaking things off he tried to grab ahold of me and when I stepped back I fell over a stack of books on his floor. When I tripped, I fell into his dresser. It wasn’t a big deal. Really”

  “Really, Candice? You expect me to believe that?” I opened my eyes and saw the hardened look on her face. Guess she did. Wow!

  “That’s what happened. Please drop it.” She dug in her bag and handed me a tube of lipstick. “Here, put this on.”

  I grabbed it and went back over to the mirror. “I will. But either you need to tell someone or I will.” I applied the nude colored lipstick and topped it off with strawberry lip gloss.

  “There’s nothing to tell.”

  I turned on her. It wasn’t often I stood up to her, but I wasn’t going to back down this time. “Candice, there is something to tell. I don’t know if he’s using like everyone says and that’s why he does this or if it’s something else. Either way, you need out. You obviously can’t do it on your own. Talk to someone. Or I will.” I looked her in the eyes, she nodded. “I’ll give you two weeks, C.”

  “Two weeks.”

  Chapter Three

  Titus

  It was game day. Metallica blared through my iPod’s Jawbone speakers while I smashed around my room, getting ready. Rummaging through my drawers, I searched for a t-shirt. Normally I would have grabbed my go-to Metallica, but it was still soaking in some concoct
ion my mom promised would save it from the mud stains.

  Glancing at my closet, I saw the bright blue one. It wasn’t my favorite, but it came in second. This year, on my birthday, I got my license and went to pick Reese and Candice up. When Reese got in, she threw a bag on my lap. In it, was the bright blue shirt with “Watch Out I’m On The Road”, written across the chest.

  I pulled the shirt over my head before stepping into my jeans. I had about ten minutes before I needed to leave the house. While I was brushing my teeth and putting gel in my hair, my phone starting ringing. I could tell by the ringtone it was Candice. After spiting into the sink, I dashed across the hall and grabbed the phone off my bed.

  “’Lo.”

  “Ty, can you pick me up? Alex is running late and Reese already left with Josh.” She sounded out of breath.

  “Yeah, I’m getting ready to leave right now. Are you alright?”

  “Huh?”

  “You’re out of breath.”

  “Oh, yeah, I tried chasing Josh’s truck down the driveway, but they didn’t see me.” Candice laughed a little. “Anyway, I’ll wait at the end of the drive.”

  “K, see ya in a minute.” I touched the end button on my phone, grabbing my football bag and backpack before heading out the front door.

  Candice was waiting at the end of her long driveway when I pulled up. As she climbed into the car, I noticed old, yellowish bruises on her left wrist. My gaze flicked from her wrist to her eyes, as I pressed my lips into a tight line. “Candice, wanna talk about those?”

  “Nope.”

  “Listen, if those are from Alex, you need to get out—end things with him; sooner, rather than later.”